joke of the day

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thunderer
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Re: joke of the day

Post by thunderer »

wbjohn wrote:If you want a laugh today, goto Amazon.co.uk and lookup "veet for men" then read the top review. :lol:

Do you have a direct link? I can't seem to find it!
Just cos my username is Thunderer, doesn't necessarily mean I SHOUT !!
"A vehicle is designed to be used, restored or otherwise" A personal response on the question "you have just restored it, why use it?"

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thunderer
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Re: joke of the day

Post by thunderer »

Good GrieF!!!!

I was slurping on some sprite when reading that, It ended up on the wall above my laptop thanks to laughing so hard!

Where do people come up with these ideas? Love the "Increased Sports Performance Bonus" one, totally mind blowingly funny :o
Just cos my username is Thunderer, doesn't necessarily mean I SHOUT !!
"A vehicle is designed to be used, restored or otherwise" A personal response on the question "you have just restored it, why use it?"

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rob565uk
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The Euro According to Blackadder

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Baldrick: "What I want to know, Sir is, before there was a Euro there were lots of different types of money that different people used. And now there's only one type of money that the foreign people use, what I want to know is, how did we get from one state of affairs to the other state of affairs"

Blackadder: "Baldrick. Do you mean, how did the Euro start?"

Baldrick: "Yes Sir"

Blackadder: "Well, you see Baldrick, back in the 1980s there were many different countries all running their own finances and using different types of money. On one side you had the major economies of France , Belgium , Holland and Germany , and on the other, the weaker nations of Spain , Greece , Ireland , Italy and Portugal . They got together and decided that it would be much easier for everyone if they could all use the same money, have one Central Bank, and belong to one large club where everyone would be happy. This meant that there could never be a situation whereby financial meltdown would lead to social unrest, wars and crisis".

Baldrick: "But this is sort of a crisis, isn't it Sir?".

Blackadder: "That's right Baldrick. You see, there was only one major flaw with the plan".

Baldrick: "What was that then, Sir?"

Blackadder: "It was bollocks".

1 in 10 people understands binary. The other one doesn't

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thunderer
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Re: joke of the day

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OH AMEN TO THAT!!!!
Just cos my username is Thunderer, doesn't necessarily mean I SHOUT !!
"A vehicle is designed to be used, restored or otherwise" A personal response on the question "you have just restored it, why use it?"

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thunderer
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Re: joke of the day

Post by thunderer »

A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?"

The father answers: "Well son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway.

Your mum and I got together in a chat room at Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mum and we met up at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, I upgraded my floppy disk to a hard disk, then your mum agreed to do a download.

As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later, a blessed little pop-up appeared and said:

"You've got Male!"
Just cos my username is Thunderer, doesn't necessarily mean I SHOUT !!
"A vehicle is designed to be used, restored or otherwise" A personal response on the question "you have just restored it, why use it?"

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rob565uk
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Bankers

Post by rob565uk »

fixed-rates-barclays.jpg
The collective noun for Bankers is..................... a Wunch
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jonwrightk7
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Re: joke of the day

Post by jonwrightk7 »

HA HA HA!!!! spot on!!
The world is full of Kings and Queens; who blind your eyes, then steal your dreams..

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rob565uk
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Motorcycles and Women

Post by rob565uk »

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson , died and went to heaven.

At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur. 'Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven.'

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, ' I want to hang out with God.'

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.

God recognized Arthur and commented, 'Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle? '

Arthur said, 'Yeah, that's me...'

God commented: 'Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?'

Arthur was a bit embarrassed, but finally spoke, 'Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?'

God said, 'Ah, yes.'

'Well,' said Arthur, 'professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention !

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end suspension

2. It chatters constantly at high speeds

3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble about too much

4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust

5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!!


'Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there,' replied God, 'hold on.'

God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.

The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

'Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed,' God said to Arthur, 'but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours'.

1 in 10 people understands binary. The other one doesn't

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Renegadenemo
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Renegadenemo »

Like that one... sent it to my father-in-law.

He's a vicar... :D
I'm only a plumber from Cannock...

"As to reward, my profession is its own reward;" Sherlock Holmes.

'Sometimes you gotta be an S.O.B if you wanna make a dream reality' Mark Knopfler

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rob565uk
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Re: joke of the day

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After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling.

When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married.

On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.

Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched - with a raised eyebrow.

The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.

The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife
needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?"

The Husband's brow became deeply furrowed as he gave this question considered thought.

"Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on
Saturdays, I go to watch Chelsea."

1 in 10 people understands binary. The other one doesn't

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