joke of the day

[Pullman99]

OK. Why should blondes never be given a coffee break?

It takes too long to retrain them afterwards!

[Jordangbr]

A midget got pick pocketed at the station today.
How could anyone stoop so low?!

[Pullman99]

Never make jokes about a midget with learning difficulties.

It's not big, and it's not clever.

[rob565uk]

My head hurt after I banged it on a cupboard door last night, so I rubbed some margarine on it. Woke up this morning and I can't believe it's not better

[klingon]

Gran and Grandad at the breakfast table-"My nipples are still hot for you even after 50 years" says Gran-
"Of course they are dear" says Grandad-"ones in your coffee and the other is in your porridge"!

Whats pink and wrinkly and hangs out your grandads pyjamas?
Your Gran.

[jonwrightk7]

how about the dislexic goth; sold his soul to santa.

[klingon]

Dyslexic devil worshipper-sold his soul to Santa
Colour blind song-"Grey and grey and grey and grey-grey and grey and grey-I can sing a rainbow---"

Got there first!

[orgster1]

Man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a man below. He descended a bit more and shouted,

“Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don‘t know where I am.”

The guy below replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You’re between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.”

“You must be an engineer,” said the balloonist.

“I am,” replied the guy, “How did you know?”

“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct, but I’ve no idea what to make of your information and the fact is I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help at all. If anything, you’ve delayed my trip.”

The guy below responded, “You must be in Management? “

“I am" replied the balloonist, “but how did you know?”

“Well,” said the guy, “you don’t know where the hell you are or where the hell you’re going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you had no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it’s my fault?

[orgster1]

A bride on her wedding night says to her husband
'I must confess darling, I used to be a hooker!'.
He says 'That's all right, dear. Your past is your past, but I must admit I find it quite erotic. Tell me more about it'.
She replies 'Well, my name was Frank, and I played for Wigan

[rob565uk]

A man went to his Doctor with a flatulence problem. When the Doctor asked for details, the man offered to demonstrate and as he broke wind, the sound clearly made the word "Honda". His Doctor admitted he had no idea what the problem was but referred the man to a specialist consultant, Mr Yamamoto. a Few days later the man was summoned to see Mr Yamamoto who had read all the notes and immediately asked for a demonstration of the problem. The man duly obliged and once again the clear sound of the word "Honda" rent the air. Instantly, Mr Yamamoto said "Ahh, I know what is wrong, you have abscess!". The man was understandably puzzled by this diagnosis and asked for an explanation. "Is simple" said Mr Yamamoto "Abscess make fart go Honda"