joke of the day

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rob565uk
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Re: joke of the day

Post by rob565uk »

I also like Douglas Adams' definition of Technology: Comes with a set of instructions, like a bunch of flowers doesn't ....

1 in 10 people understands binary. The other one doesn't

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Renegadenemo
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Renegadenemo »

Anything invented after you’re thirty-five is against the natural order of things.
Not at all... it's just that once upon a time necessity was the mother of invention and now it's a case of invent something shiny then exploit the herd mentality having said we all need one. The extravagantly useless iPad, for example...
I'm only a plumber from Cannock...

"As to reward, my profession is its own reward;" Sherlock Holmes.

'Sometimes you gotta be an S.O.B if you wanna make a dream reality' Mark Knopfler

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Piston Broke
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Piston Broke »

Renegadenemo wrote:
Anything invented after you’re thirty-five is against the natural order of things.
Not at all... it's just that once upon a time necessity was the mother of invention and now it's a case of invent something shiny then exploit the herd mentality having said we all need one. The extravagantly useless iPad, for example...
People don't know what they want until you show it to them

- Steve Jobs
If it can't be fixed with duck tape it can't be fixed
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness"
Facebook is to socialising is what masturbation is to sex

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Renegadenemo
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Renegadenemo »

People don't know what they want until you show it to them
Can't deny the man's utter genius - he certainly knew a herd of sheep when he saw one!
I'm only a plumber from Cannock...

"As to reward, my profession is its own reward;" Sherlock Holmes.

'Sometimes you gotta be an S.O.B if you wanna make a dream reality' Mark Knopfler

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Renegadenemo
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Re: joke of the day

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I'm only a plumber from Cannock...

"As to reward, my profession is its own reward;" Sherlock Holmes.

'Sometimes you gotta be an S.O.B if you wanna make a dream reality' Mark Knopfler

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Piston Broke
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Piston Broke »

While stitching a cut on the hand of a 75 year
old farmer from Norfolk, whose hand was caught in the squeeze gate while
working cattle, the Doctor struck up a conversation with the old man.

Eventually the topic got around to David Cameron,
Ed Milliband & Politicians in general and their role as our leaders.

The old farmer said, "Well, as I see it, most
Politicians are Post Turtles'.

'Not being familiar with the term, the Doctor asked
him what a 'post turtle' was.

The old farmer said, "When you're driving down a
country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top,
that's a post turtle."

The old farmer saw the puzzled look on the Doctor's
face so he continued to explain. "You know he didn't get up there by himself,
he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up
there, he's elevated beyond his ability to function, and you just wonder what
kind of dumb arse put him up there to begin with."



Best explanation of a politician I've ever heard !!!
If it can't be fixed with duck tape it can't be fixed
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness"
Facebook is to socialising is what masturbation is to sex

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Dominic Owen
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Dominic Owen »

First woman on the Moon:

"Houston, we have a problem."

What?

"Never mind"

What's the problem?

"Nothing"

Please tell us?

"You know what the problem is."
One by one, the penguins are stealing my sanity...

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rob565uk
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"Complete" or "Finished"?

Post by rob565uk »

No dictionary has ever been able to define the difference between "complete" and "finished."
However, during a recent linguistic conference, held in London, England, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese linguist,
was asked to make that very distinction.

The question by a colleague in the erudite audience was this: "Some say there is no difference between 'complete' and 'finished.'
Please explain the difference in a way that is easy to understand."
Mr. Balgobin's response: "When you marry the right woman, you are 'complete. ”
If you marry the wrong woman, you are 'finished.'
And, if the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are 'completely finished.'"
His answer received a five minute standing ovation..

1 in 10 people understands binary. The other one doesn't

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Dominic Owen
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Dominic Owen »

Did you know that you can determine the sex of an ant by dropping it in a glass of water?

If it sinks - girl ant

If it floats - boy ant
One by one, the penguins are stealing my sanity...

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rob565uk
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Re: joke of the day

Post by rob565uk »

:-) Brilliant!

1 in 10 people understands binary. The other one doesn't

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